If you hate humanity, work for United.

Fuck you United Airlines. I don’t want to get into it, because it makes by blood boil into a frothy curdle.
But, in a state of forgiveness, I altruistically wrote, for the airline company, a hiring ad.

If you hate your fellow man and want to add to the collective wanton suffering of mankind, get a job at United Airlines.
Nihilists, sadists and all round lousy human beings are preferred.

Revel in the suffering of customers who not only pay a fortune for their airfare, airport tax, buy outrageously overpriced food at airports, and endure the emotional stress of possible terrorist attacks

And, feel free to submit them to your every whim.

Feel free to take your time at all times.

let them know you dont give a rat’s ass with answers like
“sorry sir, but there isnt anything I can do about that, the airline isn’t help accountable in such a case.”

You get to subject customers to all types of humiliation. Loose their luggage, put them through interrogations, give them food poisoning, make them wince, beg,  jump through hoops, hold their breath under water, trudge through hot tar, whatever your deprived little heart of coal desires.
They’reso sleep deprived they wont even care!

And if they should ever stand up for themselves, airport security is on the way!

Second to being a guard at Auschwitz, its the most cold-blooded heinous job ever.
You wont believe you’re getting paid for this shit!

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